March 3, 2017

back and forth the water dances
the rhythm of waves in synchrony with my breaths
it beckons me back and forth each glance

the sun sets low hiding beyond the tides
as i stare i sit i marvel through wide eyes
with the kiss of the wind and splashes of the ocean
i watch seagulls roam the pink sky

i stare i sit i marvel with awe
while the waves remind me im alone
the fleeting longing the fleeting awe
which the waves bring to me

back and forth
back and forth

The idea of a parallel universe is not foreign to most people. Like the salmons on the river, we glide willingly with the currents of the endless possibilities overflowing inside the human mind. We dance on the stream of thoughts, dreams, and hopes our mind projects.

Then again it is a challenging concept to stay still and embrace change when things don't go according to what we have planned. Melancholy would arrive and with it comes anxiety about the uncertainty of what the future holds for you. Adapting to change and altering your idea of tons of possibilities you have weaved before is, in every intricate and painful meaning of the word, hard.

Just last year I was afraid of leaving my town and scrabble my way into this whole other dimension called college. But this year i suffer from the withdrawal effects which leaving it has given me, so today i write in appreciation and reminiscence about the little souvenirs from that short adventure.

experiencing college was a cycle of ruin and rebirth.

college is the lack of sleep, overdose of energy drinks and coffee at 11pm as if it was only 6am, the new people with varying upbringings and principles, the sudden surges of homesickness, shifting friendships, building them and harming them, the utter responsibility of living by your own, doing the laundry at 9pm after getting home from school, waking up in the morning and contemplating what to eat for breakfast, or if you should even eat at all because you're 3 days short on your weekly allowance, splitting canned tuna with your room mate to spend less, making one chicken breast last for 3 meals, falling 5 times while climbing the bunk bed before finally getting the hang of it, changing the sheets of the said upper bunk bed, out of service ATM machines, getting 2/25 on a quiz for your major subject, doing this at least 3 times and getting anxious about failing, the identity crisis, the inkling doubt if you even chose the right degree program, social problems, realizing you shouldnt have trusted this classmate too much, the constant embarrassment you accidentally inflict on your self, and trying to work everything out despite of all the things mentioned.


but college is also the laughter, the dinners, the laughter amongst the dinners, your room mate sleeping beside you when you're afraid of the earthquake, the rare surprise visit of your best friend whom you havent seen in 6 months, the people from high school smiling at you even if you havent spoken a word with each other before, the arcade games after PE, the unlimited rice meal from Mang Inasal after PE, the plays you watch with your blockmates outside the campus, the school spirit from the UAAP games, the 55 peso tapsilog meal near your dorm which you get everyday, the 2am deep talks with your room mate, the 3am stress tears+laughter induced academic paper writing, the 4am singing to Inside of Love by Nada Surf which was on repeat for 5 consecutive times, the 5am 7/11 breakfast with zero sleep, your room mate, who basically helped you adjust and made college way way better, that friend who was so cute you pretended he was a dog, that friend whom youve nicknamed after a character in Toy Story, that friend who said there were colors such as neon black and neon white and actually meant it, the walks at lover's lane with your friends after dinners at cow wow, walking through the 4 streets of the campus before deciding mcdo nalang sa pnoval, the koi fish you bought in honor of your economics professor, getting caught in the rain, having another pair of shoes just for instances when u get caught in the rain, the impulsive adventures to places youve never been to (thanks uber and grab!), the karaoke sessions in between classes, those and everything in between.


amidst what seemed to sound like chaos, you find yourself. then you weave another string of possibilities, you again get so caught up in it, you see yourself 4 years from now going through the Arc of Centuries, you see yourself in more of the destruction and rebirth cycle, you see yourself making new friends, meeting more people and even making more professors angry. and then you're stripped away from it all, you watch from afar and you wish you were just allowed  to continue. but deep down you know that like yourself from a year ago, the one who faced college like a bucket of ice cold water was tossed into her, you are not permanently destroyed, you are in the destruction part and with it comes rebirth.

I miss my school, it would always be my biggest what if , it would always be the life i almost completed, almost mastered, almost drowned in, but like all what ifs? something follows; an answer, a shrug, a laugh, a god damn headache, or another whole new topic. something follows, anything can follow. that's the beauty of it all. As a wise man have said before, one does not need to know precisely what is happening, or where it would exactly go. What we need is to recognize the possibilities and the challenges offered by the present moment, and embrace them.

I was feeling quite nostalgic when I asked my best friend to give me something to write about, she simply answered "nachos". though quite amused, i remembered this school i used to go to located in our subdivision (Villa Barcelona). It has a small population of tight knit children and i loved it there. I said "okay, buzz me after 15 minutes."

here's what i came up with: